During the month of February we will be focusing on Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. Habit 5 is about respect, mutual understanding, empathy, and courage. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood means we try to completely understand another person before presenting our own point of view. It means balancing courage and consideration and expressing our views with clarity and respect.
What are ways we can become better empathic listeners while respectfully seeking to be understood?
Think About...
1. Do the people around you feel that you genuinely understand them?
2. Do you often find yourself interrupting other people to give advice, agree or disagree, judge, probe, or tell your own story?
3. Are you speaking in a way that shows you understand the other person? Are you sharing your point of view with clarity?
Try This for Empathic Listening...
1. Practice Empathic Listening with a friend. Ask that person to coach you on whether or not he or she felt understood.
2. Identify a relationship where the other person doesn't feel you understand him or her. Create an opportunity to listen empathically.
Try This for Seeking to Be Understood...
· Pick a nonthreatening situation to practice the skill
1. Get really clear on what you want to say.
2. Practice stating your point of view using "I" messages.
Listening with empathy means getting to the heart of what matters to the other person, whether we agree or not. When listening empathically, we listen with the intent to understand. We then respond by reflecting feelings and words rather than the intent to reply. Seeking to be understood is the second half of effective communication. Once we are confident others feel understood, we can share our own point of view with respect and clarity.